You made your call - You made goodbye
I've lost myself.
I forgot who I was.
Nor whom I want to be.
I've said farewell to myself.
I used to be somebody who talks about my feelings, my thoughts. But I've lost touch of that. I can't even tell myself when I'm blogging, even a private blog. I don't know what's going on. But I feel somehow different. I miss that old me. I used to be as sweet as sweetness can be. As nice, as romantic, as thoughtful, as funny as anything can ever be!
I'm the opposite of all that now.
I just don't give a damn...
Although I want to desperately.
Parents...
+ One who begets, gives birth to, or nurtures and raises a child; a father or mother+
When you search and look for something inside your parents, who they are, what they're suppose to do, and when you can't find it?
You look up the dictionary.
I went out with my parents and brother, Ken for sushi yesterday. And my dad decided to take grandma along. It's been ages since I had a bite of that raw fish. Yeah, I was happy. And while we were in the car, grandma kept talking about... thefts. And that we should be careful this and that. And guess what? Nobody reponded to her. Mom was like," Hmm..." and that's all. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't wanna talk to her, but I just don't know much about the subjects she talks about. Well, if she talks about school or exams or whatever I'll exchange my thoughts with her.
When we were walking to 'Shibaraku', my parents walked infront and grandma and us were left behind. I don't know. Does most parents do that? Will you tell me? I can't help but feel sad. It's like... I don't know. Me? This house? I stay here, fully furnished. I got food, a place to sleep, electricity, water? But what happened to support?! What happened to LOVE?
Hey, I'm 17 and I know what is right and what is wrong and I do know what I want. I have a clear picture of that. But what saddens me is that it doesn't come true. Although I've tried... Yes, I did. I was talking to my mom the other day, I was repeating the same thing again and again. Why? She ignores me. I'm positive she heard me. I was talking louder and louder and she just look around like... "This place is nice, bla bla bla bla bla". ISH. I was asking for food. I'm HUNGRY. What the hell?! I'd rather you give me a negative answer than pretend I'm not there at all. Okay?! I tried talking, I tried asking how you are, why don't you answer me?
When you ignore me, why must I talk to you?
When you ignore me, why can't I ignore you?
As for my dad, he never loses. He would never let himself lose. He's the winner no matter what. It irritates me like hell. Can't stand it. I don't talk much to him. Because what comes out from his mouth are... Trust me, never nice. He only complains and he scolds and he nags, and that's all. He doesn't compliment, care, and never offer to help.
I didn't wanna blog today. But I just can't help it. It would be lovely for blogging parents out there to let me know what it's like from your side. Ahh. I couldn't sleep well these days. No idea what's bothering me. Feel restless! Don't know what is it I'm suppose to do.
Well, I'm having a sorethroat here and my head is back aching. God, help.
Alright, take care people.
Feeling artistic?
Hey guys.
What's up?
Holiday's here, I'm getting kinda bored of it.
But not going to school feels great!
I went driving, getting my licence end of this month.
HOOORAYY!
I asked Jasmin over to my place and we actually painted!
Well, she did most of the colours.
She's brilliant!
She really has that patience.
Ooooh, I love ya!
Here are the pictures. It's actually a long piece of wooden board. I took the pictures in parts. Black & White and Colours...
Well, the lighting is horrible, I know.
I'm a bad photographer, ya know.
But anyway...
You like it?
I'm not much of an artist but I'm as artistic as artistic can be.
HaHa.
Don't mind giving me some comments?
I took the erm...
Standalone Player from myspace and got it to put here [right bar].
My songs are all there.
Please take some time and listen?
Till then.
Happy Holidays and take care!
